The De-Churched Chronicles…

I have been stopped, halted, cemented and tucked away into the “Secret Place” of learning to listen to God; I’ve been stopped from doing and asked by the King to remain before Him for two years now.

Probably the greatest plunge of freedom I’ve taken in my almost 53 years; I said yes to God and no to the voices of condemnation and shame and no to the faces of disapproval for my absence at church, my absence of doing and showing up and following because “that’s what we do”, no to guidelines and rules and opened the door wide to my own voice before God.

I began asking some hard questions.

O dear! Did I really just confess that to Lord knows who?

Yah, I kinda just did that…

Who knows if the “voices” or “faces” were even real, apparently they were hanging around for a long time hidden in the shadows of my heart and mind; kept at bay by my pursuit to know and love God, by my busy-ness to be all and everything that I could before my King of love…but sadly blinded and deaf to how often the voices and faces dictated how I lived, what I wore, and even what and how I spoke.

It started with a cry for “more” (after a little ride in the ambulance), an awakening of sorts, and God taking me back to my roots (literally) to re-reveal who He had formed me to be; and, like, wow, she was so simple, pure, lost inside her conversations with God and creation and creating (THAT girl sure LIVED).

Surrounded by people one can never quite escape the impact of relationships whether good or bad, nor can one escape the impact of our primary mode of communication…words.

Like the sunrise, God had decided for me that it was time for the sun to shine on my hidden shadows (hidden to me), the hues changed the more the light caught my deep inner reality.

I lived and feared “man”….I had given years of my life to worry and angst and the word “sorry”; yielding my movements and conversations around a sense of proving that I was in fact a valid Jesus child…WHAT? REALLY? O man, (head down and shaking back and forth like a wet dog- hand up to smack the forehead).

I say freedom begins with truth (hey! Didn’t Jesus say that? “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you FREEEE!” ).

It started to look like a ball of yarn unraveling, strangely I was not unnerved, it was as if my soul had been waiting for this day; I was ready, and so have spent the last two years unraveling, rediscovering and discovering, tasting and feasting at Aslan’s table and finding Narnia actually exists (hi, I’m Lucy by the way).

Being reestablished into a child’s heart has been the most incredible adventure; learning what my voice is for and what it is not, learning the simplicity of hearing God in my heart, I have danced with Him and been touched by Him and wept before Him and rejoiced, I have pounded my fists at the air and cried out in exasperation and sorrow and repentance and then discovered joy, I have sung at the top of my lungs and shouted silently into the darkness, I have had many sleepless nights of tossing and relenting, O  how can I possibly describe this? It has been an incredible adventure of yielding to the deeper leading into God’s heart.

I prayed and searched to know the deeper secrets of understanding of the gospel and found myself being led to the donkey.

I used to think that my life was like that of a great Black Stallion waiting for the race gate to open so that my life could “begin” with promise and dream, and, let’s be even more truthful here: power and leadership and seen (finally validated). That progressed somewhat backward when I began to develop the voice and ears of a donkey, even had my hand up in the air to be the one to carry Jesus through the crowds, but now? Now? I am content to be the one in the stable looking after the donkey who will carry the King (and just in case you’re wondering, I’m not talking about my husband!).

O the beauty of discovering Jesus all over again like it was the first time: my heart burns and deep peace holds me still.

This is my great awakening, and it is not for the purpose of shouting and ranting and preaching and teaching, but rather for conversation. God has been de-churching my mouth, mind and soul and heart.

I have not been given my life to please man, I have been given my life to live engulfed by Jesus, to be His girl, His daughter…to come out of hiding and excusing and “sorry” and fearing man to daring to be all that He created me to be, even if it rattles predictability, structure and “the way we do things”.

Even if it means my almost 53 year old body running in a white dress down a long beach with my face and arms lifted heavenward.

God is wild and free. He is love. By His Spirit He raised Jesus from the dead and He promised to make His home WITHIN me…what kind of LIFE does this mean?

Wild and free and full of joy, even as the barnyard produces brown stuff I can still lift my eyes, my feet and my heart because I know that my King knows me and loves me and desires me…ALWAYS.

Freedom reaches into every shadow and leads me into His marvellous light…and I must go with Him there…He has given me glimpses and it leaves me full of the wonder of a child; it is like Narnia,

I just have to walk into the wardrobe.

It was JESUS who said:

“I AM the way

THE truth

THE life”.

I think I’ll listen to Him.


A perfect song to end this write today is Ellie Holcomb’s “Living Water” (from her album “Red Sea Road”).


The Eyes of a King

A scene emerges in my mind’s eye…

A skater dressed in perfect white emerges onto a lake covered by ice and dense fog.

Her eyes can see nothing, but she can hear a sound…

What is this incense of sound?


Sweet music…

It surrounds her, calling to her, beckoning her to begin a dance within mystery for the Divine.

Impulsively she begins to move; the blades of her skates are sharp, she can hear them cutting and marking the ice beneath her.

She feels strong, like a Stallion released from captivity back into the wild, she cannot stop; her soul is on fire with passion for the One who created her.

Stroke by stroke her skates lead her deeper and deeper into the mystery of Eternal love and Truth. She is intense and free, dancing for the eyes of The King, her King.

The fog symbolic of what she cannot describe or see, the unreachable depths of the heart of her King of love.

The music, His gift to awaken her soul to His presence and life.

The skater moves unhindered, she is beyond grasp of stopping hand, the ice her borderless place of expression.




For the eyes of a King, her King…

The King of the whole earth.


“The Mighty One, God the Lord, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to its setting . Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth” (Psalm 50:1-2).

The Voice of God

Our cries to hear the voice of God must become less about our desire for sight and touch of the obvious and more about the positioning and conditioning of our soul to hear the sound and message of God’s low whispers.

“(Elijah)…came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold the word of the Lord came to him, and he said to him,”What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your alters, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” And He said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, BUT THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE WIND. And after the wind an earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, BUT THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE FIRE. And after the fire the sound of a low WHISPER. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said…”
(1 Kings 19:9-13).

Language of Heaven

How silent the heavens would be if all the stars suddenly disappeared…

“To whom will you compare Me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
Lift up our eyes and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of His might, and because He is strong in power NOT ONE is missing.” (Isaiah 40:25-26)


The birds were all “twitterpated” today! It was as though the sunshine and spring blossoms pumped their wings and beaks with steroids! Their chirping choir was music to my ears! (I think birds must be part of the music of heaven).

There were no complaints comin’ from this gal as I trudged around my city in my oversized wool sweater, jeans, desert boots and back pack! My heart was so full of wonder and praise of my Creator; thankfulness was bouncing off my tongue like raindrops on a leaf.

What a gift one day is to an awakened soul…! Thank you God for life! Thank you for a sabbath day, for permission to lay work aside and celebrate a day like the birds!(Does that make me a “bird-brain”?).

Days like today serve as a tangible reminder of a few things (okay four)…

One: thankfulness and praise to God for the little things bring great peace and joy!

Two: A Sabbath rest is a commandment given by God and not a suggestion!

Three: Sunshine stirs a song in birds.

Four: The visuals of the earth giving birth to new life are symbolic of the hope of new beginnings (how do flowers know when it’s time to burst forth? How do leaves know when to “pop”?? Who set the alarm clock for the hybernating bear to awaken and make babies?).

Just some thoughts from my today!

I am so thankful that I am a created being; I was thought of and planned and designed; my life is not random “plop”, I was God’s intention for a purpose of His own shaping…how INCREDIBLE is that?

Makes me want to skip…or fly and chirp like a bird! (okay maybe not chirp).

I close off with inspired, life changing Words:

“Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; For He is our God and we are the sheep of His pasture, the flock under His care” (Psalm 95:6-7).

“Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness:
come before Him with joyful songs… (maybe that is what the birds are up to?)
KNOW that the Lord IS GOD.
IT IS HE whe made us, and we are His;
we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving
and His courts with praise;
give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;
His faithfulness continues through all generations” (Psalm 100).

The Tomato Plant

I was sitting on our couch one sunny morning looking out our patio doors, when I noticed a peculiar sight.

A large ceramic planter boasting a very brown and dead tomato vine, from which hung 3 very red tomatoes.

How does that work I wondered?

The question motivated me to get off the couch to take a closer look.

Another question emerged onto the scene of my fuzzy morning mind: what becomes of the tomato if no one picks it from the vine?

The fuzz disappeared as my heart was jolted by the words of Jesus:

“Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is PLENTIFUL, but the laborers
are FEW; therefore PRAY EARNESTLY to The Lord of the harvest to send out
laborers into His harvest” (Matthew 9:37).


I was reminded also of what Jesus said about the ripened harvest in John chapter four:

“Do you not say, ‘There are four months, then comes the harvest’? LOOK, I
tell you, lift up your eyes and SEE that the fields are white for harvest”

The harvest is ready…

Where is everyone?

What happens if there is no one to pick the fruit?

The hills are beckoning

Notes from my Red Canoe

Psalm 121:

” I lift up my eyes to the hills.From where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved; He who KEEPS you will not slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your KEEPER; the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun will not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD will KEEP you from all evil; He will KEEP your life.

The LORD will KEEP your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever more.”

One of the dictionary’s meanings of the word “KEEP-ER” is: “a person charged with responsibility for the preservation and conseveration of something valuable.”

WOW! This whole psalm breathes this truth to me this morning, and I draw great comfort from it!

Think upon this; in verse two it…

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